Sanctuary

You know you missed me… Man, in retrospect, I am one hostile 100 pound woman… Heres a joke for you.. How do you know if a Native American is angry??? He has a pulse. Ive also realized that I am quite possibly the most creative swearer in 9 counties…  Anyway… Thought for the day: In my neighborhood you can actually do all of these things within a 4 block radius- ready.. here we go: Go to Catholic school, buy crack, hop a train hobo style, buy a headstone, learn to home school, get a legal abortion, assist grieving children, get free groceries, get a haircut, get devoured by a pittie mix with bad owners, buy weed, buy stolen handguns, support yer local Japanese grocer, ditch a body in Prairie Lake (its very common), Ride yer jet ski in Prairie Lake (its very common), land yer water plane in Prairie Lake ( more common than youd think), feed an alligator in Prairie Lake (again, more common…), break yer femur on the neighbor kids half-pipe, watch my super-hot neighbor mow his grass shirtless, watch my not-hot-at-all neighbor mow his grass in a speedo, ditch an old couch out front and watch it *vanish* in 45 seconds, find stray iguanas (BIG ones), work on yer golf swing with said Japanese grocer when business is slow, get a massage in the ex funeral parlor (we handle a DIFFERENT sort of stiff…), get a lap dance, watch a pregnant girl swing around a pole, get cremated, get a Whopper Jr. with cheese (maybe for that pregnant girl), watch the neighbor guy flip his jap-bike tryin to do stoppies (dumb ass), go to mass, see a priest walk his overweight beagle (geez, Father whatre you feedin that animal????), watch the mentally challenged walker lady kiss that Jesus statue a little TOO intently, see a MAJOR police action involving TEN cop cars over a boosted six pack, count to 19 as the neighbors dogs file past, have the pregnant 16 yr old across the street bum a smoke off of you cuz her “grammaw is feenin” ( im not kidding), have the neighbor come racing over with a damn shotgun to get the squirrel out of yer chimney (WHOA MAN), smell Babbalous if the wind is right (oh my fucking YUM), score 7-11 chicken wings (You DESERVE salmonella), pay for a date, blow the pool guy even if you dont have a pool (see ‘buy a date’), get yer motorcycle fixed, get humped buy a really sweet pit bull (he wont buy you a drink), get the shit scared out of you at 3a.m. walking back from aforementioned super hot neighbors house at 3 a.m. buy stoppie-guys bitchie chihuahua (i hate you, Bridget!!), see the old man 2 houses down wander out NAKED to check the mail ( Hey Mr. Salinger… Yea, hey, you know yer nekkid, right??), flirt with the EMT’s yer horny hypochondriac neighbor is always callin (Hey Pete!! Damn baby you make them latex gloves look GOOD), (yea, ive actually yelled that..) Oh yeah, get flirted with by the crazy tattooed bitch if yer a paramedic/cop/garbage man/naked old man,mail man,hot neighbor,Babbalous employee…. buy coke from a quadraplegic in an electric wheelchair (he’ll come to you), get buried in the graveyard that hasnt been mowed in 17 years….. OH!!! And my personal favorite realize that “God will come for you, when you come for him…”   Ahhh…. Thanks Charter Oaks!!!!