August 2011
7 posts
Pug sugar!!!
My missing lil pug dog is finally back home safe after 4 solid days of being ‘on the lam’!! Kids are happy, I can finally sleep, and her poor boyfriend “Chopper” can stop howling all night now from loneliness. As long as there are people out there that care enough to stop and scoop up a lost little dog, keep her out of the hellish heat, the pounding rain, the bad traffic,...
Im back bitches....
You know you missed me… Man, in retrospect, I am one hostile 100 pound woman… Heres a joke for you.. How do you know if a Native American is angry??? He has a pulse. Ive also realized that I am quite possibly the most creative swearer in 9 counties… Anyway… Thought for the day: In my neighborhood you can actually do all of these things within a 4 block radius- ready.. here...
May 2011
3 posts
Theres no "Forced" in "Team"....
Dear Parents:
Please, please, PLEASE do not force yer kid to play team sports. It is a plain fact of nature that some kids just don’t care for it. THATS OKAY. Theres about a million other things they quite possibly WILL like. Music, for instance, or, I dont know art??? I’m sorry your dreams of being the starting center fielder for the Red Sox didn’t work out, but...
And another thing...
If I dont know you you, and you werent invited, go fuck yerself if you come across something you dont like. Go read the “I (heart) kittens” blog. You’d hate on these particular lil bastards too, if you had ever met them. If youre not angry about SOMETHING, then youre not breathing. Go make a difference, and stop lurking strangers on irrelevant social networking, because you cant...
satco77 asked: I ran across you blog today and started wondering to myself, why in the world would someone hate on someones kids. I read all of your postings and was amazed by some of the things you said, wow to call someone kids fat ecoli shits is just wrong
September 2010
1 post
And yer fat little kids, too!!
Yer chunky ass, and the fat wife you rode in on!! And those bastard little societal roaches you call ‘offspring’. I dont give A CHUBBY FUCK what you think of my interests. At least I have some, other than whats at the bottom of every dorito bag in 6 counties. Blow me. And MEAN it. Im raising the next generation of actually useful, not drug addicted, not overweight, actually tolerable...
August 2010
3 posts
Because I don't want to hear the crybabies bitch...
I am very proud of my background, and any race should be afforded the same courtesy without being called a racist or a Klan memeber. Okay???? I said it. NOTED. Thats not why youre a dick. Youre a dick because you call yourself my ‘friend’, then trash my family with your public comments about spics and injuns and whatever other bullshit. Christ if the word “fat” even...
I call total and complete BULLSHIT.
Volusia county must be hurtin for news, like this bitch is hurtin for a bullshit-smackdown.
http://www.wesh.com/green-pages/24574718/detail.html
You can smell this a mile away.
Murder, or a damn PUBLIC SERVICE????
Okay, so Im watchin court TV today, and this fellow is on trial for Murdering His Own Son. Wait- hold, please. Said son was 16 years old. State vs. Jamar Pinkney Sr.
NOW- Mr. Pinkney SR murdered young Jamar JR EXECUTION STYLE. Yep. Drug his ass out into the street, ordered him to strip naked, put him on his knees, and blew a hole thru his face while Jr pleaded “NO,...
July 2010
1 post
Your godawful Tiajuana tit job
does not make you a ‘pin-up’. Its makes you a chick with HUGE hail-damaged thighs and a bad tit-job. I am so sick of this shit staring me in the face everytime I get on FACEbook. It just sucks that you have to be such a basically nice person and I cant delete yer shit, or tell you what I really think. You HAVE to do ‘pin-up’. Ive been modeling for TWENTY fuckin years. Thats...
June 2010
14 posts
It may also be worth noting
that there has never been any confirmation on that whole Jayne Mansfield ‘decapitation’ thing. She did suffer a severe blow to the top of her head, which may have led to a, um, “just a little off the top” type of injury. The big stink came about when photos of the accident scene involving a blonde WIG were released. Ah, the hysterical public! And another thing- her little...
If you ever wore a swazi patch.....
or called yerself a hitler youth, or tried to explain to me that ‘hitler was right’, then never ever ever and I do mean EVER as long as we live on the same Earth try to have a political conversation with me and look for any amount of respect from me. Especially regarding matters of immigration, foriegn politics, or why youve been allowed to survive THIS LONG. GET FUCKED. GO ARGENTINA,...
"Listen, you'll have to excuse me.....
I’m having lunch with Cliff Huxtable at The Four Seasons…..”
*shudder*
Did you return those vidoe tapes????
Oh god, I just want
something to impress me. Some excitement. SAME OLD. BORED BORED BORED.
What is it with HUGE spiders????
Theyll hold still for pictures, so when you say “No really the size of a dinner plate” to yer friends you can prove it, but the minute you pick up something that DIDNT cost 4 bills to throw at them, they haul spider ASS. How do they know the difference btwn a camera and a brick?? A hooker-stilleto? A hand grenade?? Thanks you fucking 8 legged slice of hell. For making me have to get a...
What Id LIKE to say.....
“Sooooo, are you invited to your girlfriends wedding?”
“Nice to meet you, my buddies new girlfriend! How are yer weddin plans goin?”
“Wow, you must have the coolest fiance EVER!!! Most guys would really get pissed that yer cars been in that other cats driveway for like, 24 hours!!!”
“WOW, can you even FEEL yer fiance anymore??? Cuz yer boyfriend is like...
Im really hopin to be wrong about this one...
but lets face it, Im probably NOT. And Im gonna have to watch you get yer fuckin heart ripped out and dashed all over the rocks below. Which is complete bullshit, because I am your friend and I love you, and I would walk over hot coals TWICE to see you get what you want. And I know you think its her, and I get why, I really do cuz Ive never seen you like this, but you, my friend are pussy-drunk...
Its "Frankenweenie"!!!!!!!!
Vincent, did you ever see that flick???? It was Tim Burtons first film. Love me some Frankenweenie!!!!! Tho why it had to be a bull terrier, Ill never know.
Youll all be pleased to know....
that the puppy’s slobber-maker works JUST FINE. It seems to peek around 6 a.m. When I apparently needed dog “c.p.r.”. Sweet mercy.
May 2010
30 posts
Wait, WHO'S the 'nuisance'??????
Okay, once more for the morons, and other non-native types….. IF YOU GO SWIMMING IN A NON-CHLORINATED BODY OF WATER, IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA, AND SOME INDIGENOUS PREDATOR DECIDES TO THROW YER ASS ON A RITZ CRACKER, YOU DONT GET TO CRY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is, IF you live. Which would be a shame, cuz nobody needs yer dumb ass in the gene pool! And how, THEE FUCK are you gonna call...
Chocolate covered bacon and boxed wine!!!!!
Okay, I actually posted this elsewhere, a long time ago, but being as I still own a T.V., Im still subjected to this loser. Yep. Dane Cook. The only people that find this man actually humorous are males of the collegiate persuasion, under 22, that say ‘dude’ every third word. Well, them and EVERY woman on the face of the Earth that is A:White, B:at least 100 pounds overweight, C:...
Goin to a paaarrrty...
With an island/tiki theme. Wondering if I can indeed make a bikini out of shrunken heads…. And where does one find enough shrunken heads to cover ones naughty bits on such short notice?????? Its not the “arm and a leg” Im worried about it costing me………
Really, Tumblr???
Whats up with the ‘follow’ reccomendations????? Who reccomends??? Cuz they need to fire that bitch. I actually just checked one guy out, and A: Hes a panty-twistin republican. Which, fair enough, but IM OBVIOUSLY NOT. and B: He posts shit from his cats point of view. About himself. I mean WOW. If my cats didnt have better shit to talk about than me, theyd hurl themselves off my roof to...
I just cant believe....
the dumb shit that comes outta peoples mouths. My friend Scott told me recently that for someone who doesnt take any shit, I am the most long-suffering individual EVER. You know why??? Cuz I dont take shit from strangers. Apparently, my bullshit tolerance for people i love is INFINITE. That and I come to places like this to blow it off freely. Such as….. What I SHOULDA SAID..some...
Vincent....
I new youd appreciate the art of wine selection as it pertains to skull-stompings!!!!!
