Sanctuary

My missing lil pug dog is finally back home safe after 4 solid days of being ‘on the lam’!! Kids are happy, I can finally sleep, and her poor boyfriend “Chopper” can stop howling all night now from loneliness. As long as there are people out there that care enough to stop and scoop up a lost little dog, keep her out of the hellish heat, the pounding rain, the bad traffic, and fill her lil fat belly, this world really isnt such a bad place.

You know you missed me… Man, in retrospect, I am one hostile 100 pound woman… Heres a joke for you.. How do you know if a Native American is angry??? He has a pulse. Ive also realized that I am quite possibly the most creative swearer in 9 counties…  Anyway… Thought for the day: In my neighborhood you can actually do all of these things within a 4 block radius- ready.. here we go: Go to Catholic school, buy crack, hop a train hobo style, buy a headstone, learn to home school, get a legal abortion, assist grieving children, get free groceries, get a haircut, get devoured by a pittie mix with bad owners, buy weed, buy stolen handguns, support yer local Japanese grocer, ditch a body in Prairie Lake (its very common), Ride yer jet ski in Prairie Lake (its very common), land yer water plane in Prairie Lake ( more common than youd think), feed an alligator in Prairie Lake (again, more common…), break yer femur on the neighbor kids half-pipe, watch my super-hot neighbor mow his grass shirtless, watch my not-hot-at-all neighbor mow his grass in a speedo, ditch an old couch out front and watch it *vanish* in 45 seconds, find stray iguanas (BIG ones), work on yer golf swing with said Japanese grocer when business is slow, get a massage in the ex funeral parlor (we handle a DIFFERENT sort of stiff…), get a lap dance, watch a pregnant girl swing around a pole, get cremated, get a Whopper Jr. with cheese (maybe for that pregnant girl), watch the neighbor guy flip his jap-bike tryin to do stoppies (dumb ass), go to mass, see a priest walk his overweight beagle (geez, Father whatre you feedin that animal????), watch the mentally challenged walker lady kiss that Jesus statue a little TOO intently, see a MAJOR police action involving TEN cop cars over a boosted six pack, count to 19 as the neighbors dogs file past, have the pregnant 16 yr old across the street bum a smoke off of you cuz her “grammaw is feenin” ( im not kidding), have the neighbor come racing over with a damn shotgun to get the squirrel out of yer chimney (WHOA MAN), smell Babbalous if the wind is right (oh my fucking YUM), score 7-11 chicken wings (You DESERVE salmonella), pay for a date, blow the pool guy even if you dont have a pool (see ‘buy a date’), get yer motorcycle fixed, get humped buy a really sweet pit bull (he wont buy you a drink), get the shit scared out of you at 3a.m. walking back from aforementioned super hot neighbors house at 3 a.m. buy stoppie-guys bitchie chihuahua (i hate you, Bridget!!), see the old man 2 houses down wander out NAKED to check the mail ( Hey Mr. Salinger… Yea, hey, you know yer nekkid, right??), flirt with the EMT’s yer horny hypochondriac neighbor is always callin (Hey Pete!! Damn baby you make them latex gloves look GOOD), (yea, ive actually yelled that..) Oh yeah, get flirted with by the crazy tattooed bitch if yer a paramedic/cop/garbage man/naked old man,mail man,hot neighbor,Babbalous employee…. buy coke from a quadraplegic in an electric wheelchair (he’ll come to you), get buried in the graveyard that hasnt been mowed in 17 years….. OH!!! And my personal favorite realize that “God will come for you, when you come for him…”   Ahhh…. Thanks Charter Oaks!!!!

Dear Parents:

     Please, please, PLEASE do not force yer kid to play team sports.  It is a plain fact of nature that some kids just don’t care for it.  THATS OKAY. Theres about a million other things they quite possibly WILL like. Music, for instance, or, I dont know art??? I’m sorry your dreams of being the starting center fielder for the Red Sox didn’t work out, but inflicting your post-collegiate vicarious dreams on yer kid will NOT make you feel any better. Hey, I wanted to be Jenny Finch. But it aint gonna happen, cuz my parents forced me into music. By the way, I’m partially deaf. Yeaaahhh…. that career in music worked out GREAT.  And I appreciate the CONCEPT behind signing up a VERY overweight child. You mean well, I get that. We have one morbidly obese teen ager that gets signed up every year. Playing with senior league girls is *just* shy of playing with grown men. They are ripped, and they mean BUSINESS. Forcing an overweight, inexperienced kid out there is not only a danger to her bone structure, but its setting her up to FAIL. Which makes her feel worse, oh yeah, and RESENT YOU. Theres a better way to help her out, that wont cost her YEARS of therapy. Then theres the ‘Youll play in every league there is’ parent… Ever seen a 16 yr old girl fall asleep in the dugout??? Well, I have. Cuz at 3 p.m. she was on her FOURTH game of the day. Ouch.  And that whole ‘shouting instructions from the bleachers’ thing??? Yeah, Im the one in the jersey. Bottom line- I’m not gonna let your kid get hurt, killed, emotionally devastated, or hated by the rest of my roster because you have no sense. Thats what the bench is for. $120 a season for some bench time…. Do the math.

If I dont know you you, and you werent invited, go fuck yerself if you come across something you dont like. Go read the “I (heart) kittens” blog. You’d hate on these particular lil bastards too, if you had ever met them. If youre not angry about SOMETHING, then youre not breathing. Go make a difference, and stop lurking strangers on irrelevant social networking, because you cant make REAL friends. Your mom is sick of you living in her basement. That is all.

satco77 asked: I ran across you blog today and started wondering to myself, why in the world would someone hate on someones kids. I read all of your postings and was amazed by some of the things you said, wow to call someone kids fat ecoli shits is just wrong

Yeeahhh.. About that… I havent even been on Tumblr in so long, I had forgotten I even said that. Heavy verbiage, even for me! The fact of the matter, and I typically dont explain myself, was just THIS- It was in response to a racially motivated attack upon myself and my kids. I have NO TOLERANCE for this sort of behavior, and while I realize that children are the product of their environment, my interest lies in protecting MY CHILDREN first. I work with kids, and the ones who WANT to do well, WILL. As for the others- E coli in the broad spectrum, melting-pot, gene-pool, that SHOULD be this country. Sorry, I have no place in my heart for for the future Hitlers of this world.  It was publicly posted because I knew the people in question that were out to harm my family were lurking here, and stalking me and it would hit the appropriate nerves. It honestly never occurred to me that a total stranger would even read any of this shit. Not that I could care, cuz thats what you get when you traverse in waters you werent invited to.  Fuck your kids if theyre out to hurt mine. Which they were. Clearly you didnt read ALL of my postings, cuz SURELY you have something better to do, and not only that, but if you had, you wouldve realized that thats the sort of scathing thing I lay down in GREAT anger.  There were a million more interesting things posted on here. I dont join these sights to make friends. The 4 people I talk to on here are the ones I care about. So thats that.